Rayna Rose Exelbierd is the Chief Empowerment Officer (CEO), of the Rose Grow, Author of The Girl Who Said Hello & The Girl Who Wore 2 Different Shoes.
Rayna started in the non-profit world reaching the top of her department before she decided to go out on her own to be a motivational speaker. Soon she was met with no’s and felt imposter syndrome.
She then stepped back and changed her routine. Going through personal development, finding community, and creating a routine. Now measures success in a new way and strives to make a friend with everyone.
Routine | Routine of Positivity
Rayna’s routine comes down to 3 things:
- Learn
- Laugh
- Cry
And as a bonus: “Say Hello to Everyone”
Success
Rayna defines success as the freedom of choice.
Connect With Rayna Rose Exelbierd
Website: https://thegirlwhosaidhellotoeveryone.com/
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-rose-grows/id1557679286
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/raynaroseexelbierd/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0MCqofTRC5IgY8RxvT7Ueg
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheRoseGrowss
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therosegrows.trg/
Transcript
Hannah Mitrea 0:05
Hello, everyone, this is Hannah, your host and you are listening to the success is routine podcast. Our show is on a mission to talk to leaders in life and business that have achieved success and to learn what their routine is. If you are ready to create your routine to success, you’re in the right place. Now let’s get started. I am so excited to have Reina rose here on the success is routine podcast. Rana is the CEO, which is the chief empowerment officer of the rose girl. She’s also the author of The Girl Who said hello. And her new book is coming out as well, the girl who wore two different shoes. So Rana, thank you so much for being here and to be sharing your routine and your story with us.
Rayna Rose 0:48
Amazing, Hannah, thank you so much for having me on the successes routine podcast. And for those of you who are listening, I’m very excited to meet ya, let’s grow.
Hannah Mitrea 1:01
So I know a ton about you, because we’ve been together for I guess it’s been two years since we were in the mastermind together,
Rayna Rose 1:07
which in encode the time really means like, we’ve known each other a decade, like on paper, we’ve only known each other two years, but like, spiritually, it feels like you were there my whole 20s I don’t know, if like feels
Hannah Mitrea 1:23
like that, because you’ve been here for a lot of the big moments in our life too, and helping us through different things with our kiddo. So thank you for that. But I want everybody else that’s going to be listening to this to know who you are, and kind of share your story. So um, so, you know, let’s start with like the girl said, Hello, how did that book even come? And like, share a little bit of your background? How you got to that point of it?
Rayna Rose 1:43
Yeah, you know, I always thought that I was a bad writer because I went to this like super academically, like challenging High School where like everybody made straight A’s and it was easy for them to make straight A’s. And I remember my English class, there were other students who could like use these really, really big words that, to be honest today, I probably still don’t know very many of those words. And so because like I didn’t make good grades, like straight A’s, I never really like thought that I was smart, in addition to not thinking that I was a good writer. And in college, when I started traveling a lot.
I started writing about my different experiences on Facebook. And I was so self conscious about my grammar, that I would write in these really small sentences so that I would know that it was grammatically correct and that nobody was judging me, right? For not having a comma or not having a semicolon. And the more that I put out those little stories, people would say to me, like, we love the way you write, we love what you write about. So it was really at first like the validation that I got from other people telling me that they liked that I what I would write that really inspired me you know, to to keep writing and shout out to my best friend from childhood Mackenzie fields because our whole life she always said to me, Raina, you’re a writer, you’re such a good writer, and I would just look at her like, What are you talking about? I’m like, first of all, you go to a school that’s even harder than my school. Like, I see the grammar that you’re you know, that you’re using in our textbooks, like, What do you mean that like, um, you know that I’m a good good writer. And I think I realized early on, I’m a very good storyteller. I’ve always loved listening to stories and then retelling them to other people. I myself have always loved to like, be that person at the table, you know, sharing, you know, whatever that thing is. And it’s funny because the first book I ever wrote, I was like, 25 years old, I was in Israel. And it was all about different lessons that I had learned as as a young woman. And I remember one of my students, I was mentoring. I sent her the manuscript, and she sent me this long message about how amazing the book was. And her mom had published two books. And when I’d sent the manuscript to her mom, her mom was like, you know, this is good, but like, it’s, it’s missing something. She’s like, you should have done chapter on your dad. You know, I think there’s a little bit more you could do here. And in my mind, it was complete. And so when she told me that, like, I needed to do more, I kind of just put it away. So I share that story for people who are listening and that sometimes, like other people have the best of intentions, right? But sometimes we can take other people’s feedback and let it paralyze us or keep us you know, from doing a thing. And the way that the girl who said hello to me Every one came about was when my father suddenly passed a couple years ago. When he died, I wrote this poem about some of the things that he had taught me. And I honestly forgot about the poem. But then when COVID hit, and I like, was all depressed, and then my feelings, I started journaling again. And when I started journaling, I found this old poem that I had written. And I finished the poem. And when I finished the poem, I looked at it, Hannah, and I was like, you know, I really think that this could be a book. And I know a lot of people like to talk about how, you know, social media is not the greatest thing. But first, I want to point out if it wasn’t for social media, you and I would have never been connected and have, you know, the super cool friendship that we have. And second, when I was like thinking like, Okay, if this is gonna be a children’s book, I need pictures. I’m not an artist. I don’t know what made me think about my friend, Allie Chapman, now Fraser since sixth grade, but she literally was the first person who came to my mind, because she was always such an incredible doodler. So, even though I hadn’t seen her since sixth grade, we were following each other on Instagram. And I sent her a message at the beginning of COVID. And I was like, hey, like, Hello, it’s me. Because like, literally, we haven’t seen each other since we were dating. I’m like, I know, this is super random. But I wrote this poem about my dad, and you were always really good at art. Would you be down to illustrate this into a book? And Ali was like, I’ve always wanted to do a book like, of course, I’ll help you. And when Ali said that, she would help me, a lot of girls in the South have boy names, and Ali’s real name is Alan. And that was my late father’s name. So when Ali said, Yes, I’m gonna help you. And I made that connection of Holy shit, she has the same name as my dad, that was the moment where the project became about honoring my dad, and had I not had such a deep, why, then I would have never figured it out, we would have never landed in 10 different countries, like it was all about this is to honor my dad, and whatever I need to learn whoever I need to connect with like to make this happen. I’m going to make that a reality. And it’s just the last thing I’ll share with it is, I had started my business like a year before COVID hit. And I was taking myself seriously, but I wasn’t really taking myself seriously. And when it came to launching the children’s book, you know, in order to have a Kickstarter, I had to have a bank account, I had to have an LLC, I had to get a sales tax certificate, I had to learn how to pay, you know, sales tax. And all of a sudden, even though it was a children’s book, it made me really grow up and level up in my overall business. And that, you know, now I like I really wake up every day telling myself like, I’m, I’m a rock star, like, I’m an author, motivational speaker, you know, sometimes part caterer, but the book, what really was just, you know, a passion project has really given me so much confidence, and every bucket of my life.
Hannah Mitrea 8:39
I love that story. And just, you know, hearing the sides of it. Like you said, I met you during COVID. It feels like so much longer. And so to hear, like those doubts that you have, I would never expect that for me just because you are such a confident person. And so I love that you have that. And so, you know, and you mentioned, like being paralyzed by the feedback and stuff. And so many, so many people get that way. Like I totally, totally get that way. Yeah, we all still seek out that validation from everyone else around us. Because, you know, that makes us feel good. It’s what we’ve known especially I can imagine being in like, a test School watching everybody else get that validation, when they’ve written these monsters words that we get to college, and no one’s gonna read them again. Like no one wants to read or say big words anymore. So I love that you, you came back to it and you like, returned to it. And so I know you mentioned about your father and his passing. Do you think that’s kind of what like, was your your switch for you of how you jumped into this routine? Or was there something else that kind of triggered you to go from, you know, maybe hearing a lot of what other people think, tactically, like, you know, when I knew you, you couldn’t care less what the world thought of you. You were just confident who you were, and we all loved it, though. Oh,
Rayna Rose 9:55
thank you. Yeah, you know, it’s, it’s funny, even when we’re insecure about things If we talk about them out loud, people are like, you know, like, wow, like you’re so confident. And the truth is, is like, underneath all the details, like we all want to feel seen, like, we all want to feel like you know that that we belong, and most importantly, we want to be heard. And the question about, you know, when did I start applying routine to my life. When I graduated college in 2015, I went the nonprofit route, I went to go work in the nonprofit world for four years where I worked on paper, what was a 40 hour job for a nonprofit. So anyone who’s in the nonprofit world, you know, you’re already putting in more hours than whatever hours are reflected on your pay stub. But when I tell you that I eat, slept, and breathe the mission, it was like, so much a part of my life, right, like to the point where I can even look back and recognize that there were times where I was with people that I loved. And I spent all the time complaining about challenges for more. And it wasn’t also to not always bad stuff. But just it took so much of my time, my energy, my soul where
I wasn’t, I wasn’t fully able to be present. For others. I was a very conditional friend, you know, you could call me and I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t answer most times, like, most of the time, the friendship was if I’m in your town, or if I’m in your area. And I really didn’t make time for like working out. And when I would work out, it would kind of be like, Okay, I’ll go three weeks super hard here. And then all of a sudden, in the next three months, it’s like, I never saw a treadmill before, right? So my weight used to like, Yo Yo a lot, just because like I wasn’t healthy. And it wasn’t until I made the decision to leave the nonprofit world that all of a sudden my life went from being Go, go, go go being on a plane six times a month to my phone not ringing me sitting alone with my cat on the couch and my apartment with no money coming in. And me just being like, what, like, what did you do? Like you, you literally just left a job where you were the number one person and your department and you thought that you were such a good speaker that you were just going to quit your job and that you were just gonna go be successful on your own. It was like, Who do you who do think you are like they call that and you know, like impostor syndrome, I was like, I genuinely thought like, maybe I ruined my life. Like, I sabotage myself like, Oh, my God, like, I found my passion. And I was so good at it. And I just like gave that up. Because like, I thought you know that there was more for me. And for those of you who know, deep down that you’re made for more, and maybe you haven’t made that jump or or maybe you’re in the first year, or maybe you’re in the second year, it really takes time to build success and to build a foundation and to build a reputation. It’s even if you are so talented I your craft, it takes time. And at the beginning of my journey when I was approaching people like potential clients about wanting to speak, people were like, No, I was like, What do you mean? No, they’re like, We don’t need you. Like, first of all, you used to be free. Second of all, you don’t live here, you talk about anti semitism. We’ve got other people here who talk about anti semitism, like we don’t need you. And when you hear a lot of people tell you no, and that you’re not good, even when you know that you’re good. It can really, really, really like hurt you. And so for me were like routine started becoming pivotable. Pivotal was like okay, like, I’m like dealing with a lot of stuff right now. So it really started with journaling. At first I was I was inspired by this big, female motivational speaker to start journaling. And the big thing I found with the journaling was number one, I could recognize patterns in my life that I liked, and I could recognize patterns in my life that I didn’t like, right? So every day that I worked out, that would go on the list and like I would be really happy right? So when there wasn’t a lot of stuff going on. You bet almost every day I was going to spin class and you know I was going to workout class which be nice to people because the spin people gave me free membership because they were like Raina. We love your energy like you know, free memberships. So that’s how I was able to get into the gym right when I wasn’t like you know, getting getting like this big income. And there were also like things that I would see in They’re in terms of like, anytime I slept at home, that would go on the list. So it was like, all of a sudden when I would like see these things of like, Oh, you, you know you feel good about yourself, when you make a post or you feel good about yourself, when you gave somebody a ride or, or you spent dinner with your brother, it gives you the opportunity to sort of be conscious about what are things you want to reach for. And sometimes maybe what are things that like you don’t want to reach for. And another big turning point for me was six months into year one of my journey, I went to this big Women’s Conference. And there were two major things that happened for me at that conference. One was, we had to, like, measure our success in different buckets of our life. So it was like your health, your business, like your your family, like your, your hobbies. And I know this is gonna sound crazy, but because I’ve been working out because I’d been eating well. That was the first time I did acknowledge, wow, like you lost 25 pounds. And like, you’re in really good shape. And like you are healthy, like you cook every day and you eat vegetables. Like it’s not like, you know, I’m doing something, you know, bad or bouncing from streams. I was like, dude, like, you never like just like set like, Go Raina because like you were so busy feeling sorry for yourself. And so busy focusing on like, the money not coming in, and the partners not wanting you that, like you didn’t appreciate, like the progress that you have made, right. And then the other thing that we were challenged to do, and for those who are listening right now, to the podcast, this is your homework, if you’ve never done this before, and that is we were told on a sheet of paper to list out every single accomplishment that you have ever had in your life. And when I started writing all these things down, like you have to understand like, this was six months into my entrepreneurship journey. When I tell you, I felt like the Biggest Loser on the planet. I felt like a fraud. I felt like a bad daughter because my mom was giving me money to help me, you know, pay my rent. And here I am like not generating results, which at the time I was measuring results as how much money is coming in. But looking back at it now, the routine is where the results were really starting to, you know, to be to be created. And I just I just said to myself, Man, I looked at that list. I was like, Dude, you might be in a really bad season. Like once I had a business coach, he said, sometimes you got to take a couple steps back, really propel yourself forward. I was like, you might be in a really bad season right now. But like, don’t you ever call yourself a loser ever again, like don’t ever, like question yourself, or tell yourself that you don’t have enough experience or that you’re not successful enough or that you have to wait until XYZ because like, this list for anyone is phenomenal. But for a 28 year old woman at the time, like it was like do like this is you like just keep leaning in so to say right? And then from there, it was just you know, this constant.
From that first conference, it was like okay, how can I now put myself in community with other people who are also looking to better themselves. So that’s kind of where our paths crossed was with the Thrive and shine mastermind. Shout out to Shannon Mindy, all the girls. And then I also got involved with Jesse it slurs big ass calendar club, build your life resume, right. And what I love about being a part of those networks is being around other people who are also in motion. It’s just really, really, really encouraging and inspiring and having a safe space to talk about some of my insecurities and some of my doubts and also having a space to you know, share what is working and get like genuine celebration from you know, from other women. That is something that I learned, I’ve always found it to be important to be in community. But one of the biggest things I get out of COVID when it comes to success is that you have to be in community with other people who are striving for success and they don’t have to all be in business. They just have to, you know, want want to better themselves. And then I would say you know, outside of the you know, the community aspect for me personally. Being a good friend is also part of routine. So, you know, if I’m making a post for Instagram and I find a picture of you from four years ago, I’m going to send the picture it takes me three seconds to text you a picture And it’s gonna make the other person smile or I love to start every morning dancing like that is a huge part of my routine. This morning I was listening to like, I don’t even know man, I can open the pickle jar all by myself is is hilarious song. But then I send it to like three or four other people who I know will like the song. So sometimes like being a good friend isn’t always about showing up somewhere or doing something for someone. But sometimes it’s just telling someone that you’re you know that you’re thinking of them. I’ll never forget in high school, like my best friend savy, she thought that this was like such a, like a grand idea. But I just sent her I was like, if you think of somebody, then just shoot them a text, just be like, Hey, just wanted to say hi. And I’m thinking of you. And that’s also really powerful too. Like if you’re traveling, like, I don’t always have the most time in my schedule to meet with people. But if I’m in your area, or even if I’m flying through your airport, then I want you to know, hey, I don’t have time to see you this weekend. But I just want to let you know that I’m in your town. And like, let’s kick it the next time I’m here or oh my god, you’re coming to South Florida in January. Great if you need somewhere to stay? Let me know. Right? So it just kind of like puts you in a position of just being open. Right? So I somebody had this analogy once that you have two hands, right? So like one is like you’re giving. And the other one is you’re receiving, right? But if you’re taking and you’re giving, then you’re you’re you’re not, you’re not in ability to receive, right. And I think sometimes with with routine for me, when I’m taking too much, and I’m not giving enough, then I see a major breakdown. And if I’m ever in a point where like I’m in a fog, even if I have a lot of things on my list in the office, I will literally say to myself, Okay, like, what can what can I do for somebody else? How can I contribute to somebody else, while I step away from XYZ, because sometimes we’re not always like feeling what we want to do. Sometimes we don’t have all the answers yet. But if I can give somebody a ride, or if I can talk to an aspiring author on the phone for two hours, afterwards, like I’m, I’m feeling this, this positivity, I’m feeling this momentum that I can really only refill through supporting others.
Hannah Mitrea 22:38
No, I love all that, though. I was taking notes the whole time. So I looked down. That’s what I’m doing, though. But like even, you know, going to the beginning of you know, the journaling for you and being able to see those like, patterns in there. I love that you like because I journal every day, but I don’t think I’ve ever looked at it that way of like pulling out those patterns. So that you can really like optimize yourself to be in that ideal state of what gets you the most productive, what makes you the most motivated positive. And so I love that idea. And then
Rayna Rose 23:11
in some days, I look at that, and I’ll look at the days. And sometimes it’s like I can write 12 things that happen from the 24 hours, Sundays, I can barely write five. And then sometimes some of the things I want to write as like this was special. Sometimes I have to check myself and be like, this is this is the best you can come up with like this of the 24 hours. This is all you got. Right? So I don’t take that also as like, a negative as much as sometimes I look at it, and I’m like dude, like, put yourself in better places tomorrow, give somebody a phone call tomorrow, go give somebody a ride, right? Because you are going to have sometimes those days where like, it’s hard to put down too and it’s hard to put down three. And that’s okay. Because if you can do more, the next day, then you’re you’re making progress and that and that’s really the goal with routine is you’re not going to check all the boxes every day, you’re not going to do everything at the same time. Like shit. Last week, I went to get on the Stairmaster on Monday. I literally did it for one minute. And then it was like Shark Tank. I was like, I’m out. Grocery Store. I’m gonna buy some fresh food. But when I woke up the next day, and when I thought about I was like, okay, like you actually went to the gym. Like, there are some days where like, you don’t even make it. So like yes, you went and yes, you did a minute but today, railroads can you do more than one minute when you go to the gym? And so that next day, I did hit my 20 minute goal, right? So with routine it’s not about always having the five gold stars or doing everything that you’re supposed to every day or doing it at the exact time as much as it are you making progress in the areas that matter the most to you.
Hannah Mitrea 24:59
Yeah, The land, like, like you said, just going there for a minute. That’s why I got on the treadmill today, eight minutes. And I was like, Okay, I’m done. Like I’m out. And my husband just like me, I was like, I’m happy. He’s like, No, I’m happy to. I’m glad you just did any portion of what you put your mind to do. Because you create that routine. And so let’s really like dig into your routine and I don’t know what to call because it’s not like a morning routine. It’s like a routine of creating that positivity creating those friendships. I know you mentioned you know, journaling, dancing everyday, you know, just sending a quick message. So if you’re if somebody will, I am asking you to break down your routine kind of like an a step by step process. So anybody that’s listening that goes, you know, I want to have the competence Rana does, I want to be able to have these pieces, what does she do everyday? So what is your routine look like? If we were to break it down?
Rayna Rose 25:47
Yeah. So I would say my routine is like, every day I try to learn something. I tried to laugh, and I tried to cry every day. Um, sometimes it’s a sad cry. Sometimes it’s a it’s a happy cry. But I find that when you can, like, tap into those, like three different you know, like emotions, like you can feel really full, I can’t say that I wake up every day, any day. And that it’s, it’s the same. But I have learned to like design things in my life that I don’t know, if you call it like routine. So like, for example, every Friday, my friend, Marybeth, shout out if anybody needs websites, T shirts, Marybeth is best. But every Friday, I go to her house, and, you know, she helps me with stuff and my business, she works with my Shopify, she works with my website, and I support her with different things. And her business, but I find that like actually leaving my office and being in her house. Not only do I get a lot done, but it also gives me the ability to really learn from her, um, you know, I don’t really have like a design mind, but like being next to her and her showing me, you know, some of the different things that’s like something that, you know, that I really, really look forward to. And it also like, helps keep me in check. Because everybody kind of needs people in their life that are aware of their personal goals, and their professional goals. And so not only, you know, does she support me, you know, through the work that she does, but actually like holding me accountable, sending me ideas, you know, giving me connections, those, those are like, some of like the biggest things that make a difference for me. And in my life. I’m also during COVID. Because I work as a motivational speaker, there came a time where everything that I was doing was on the computer, and I’m a very like feed off of energy people like I don’t, I don’t mind being on Zoom. Like I’ve learned how to, like, make connections and friendships and speak, speak effectively on Zoom. But there was a certain point where, you know, I needed to earn some extra money. And so I started catering part time on the weekends. And I know for some people, they would be like, you’re writing books, and you’re speaking like, Why? Why would you go like somewhere for eight hours and like, sweat your ass off? Like what? Like, why would you do that for $200? Like, if people are paying you 2000 3000 You know, a speech, why for an hour? Why would you for $200 Go schlep around for eight hours. And I gotta tell you, being able to use my my body. And like, be in a space where like, I can connect and use my energy and my personality. I go through these phases. And I don’t know if this resonates but you know, sometimes you have to go into a new space and be celebrated for your personality and who you are to be reminded like, wow, like, I am special, like I am working hard, like I am making a contribution, right? Because, you know, sometimes we get really jaded or sometimes we’re so into what we’re doing, we like we can we can isolate ourselves, right? And so
for me a big part of my routine is putting myself in scenarios where I’m going to be like where I’m gonna feel good about myself, right? So if I know that like I’m feeling kind of low, my friends John and Denise and Del Rey, I know that I can call them I know if I go over there for dinner that not only is done Nice to send me home with leftovers and sour cream containers, but I’m going to leave their house feeling like a million dollars because they really do love on me and make me feel special. So I say that because sometimes with our routine, we think, Oh, the to do list, oh my god, there’s eight things on the to do list. I cannot go to dinner with John and Denise and like I just like I can’t write. But what I realize is, is when I can put that stuff on the list tomorrow, and go to dinner, and come home and feel good. Then when I wake up the next day, I feel a lot more energized, like to take on that that list of things. And I could honestly tell you so many stories about I could have been at my desk sending an email, I could have been at my desk doing XYZ. But when I chose to go out into the world, I sold a book, I met somebody who wants to book me for speech, I had a life changing, you know, conversation. As long as you’re fully present, you’ll you’re never like wasting time because you are actually doing something. And I kind of like came to this realization a year ago that I used to kind of beat myself up for like writing things on my to do list like multiple times, like dude, really, you’ve been writing this thing on your to do list for two? It’s like, are you ever going to do it? Or are you just writing it? And what I realize is, if I’m writing it on to do on the to do list, it’s on my mind. Yeah, you know, it would be way worse, if it wasn’t on my mind, and it wasn’t on my radar. And you know, I’ve had to learn that, you know, part of the routine is like, it’s okay to know what you need to do. But like, you don’t have to do it all at one time. And many times in business, you don’t want to do everything at one time, because nothing is going to be perfect the first time you put it up, like you’re always gonna have to tweak something, you’re always gonna have to change something. So imagine like being able to tweak as you go A, B, C, D E, it’s a lot more manageable than opposed to just like putting up the whole alphabet. And then from there, having to like realign with everything.
Hannah Mitrea 32:19
Yeah, no, I love that. Just, you know, everything doesn’t have to be exact. And I love how you put those things on your to do list. The first thing we’re like, keep in mind. So we’ve been hosting a game night, every single month for all of our friends. And we’ll have some time for our friend cancel like I have a lot going on right now. I’m just not in a good headspace. I don’t want to be there. Or I can’t show up. You know, I can’t be there for because I want to bring that negativity or we’ve had that happen quite a few times. I’m like guys show up. Like, trust me, this is gonna knock you out of whatever bad headspace that you’re in. Because none of us like we always forget to take photos because nobody has their phone on pocket. Because we’re all just having so much fun. And so I love that you make time to go to your friend’s house on a Friday night or anytime that you’re feeling down versus putting the email on top of it. Yeah, because you can always you can always send the email. There’s never actually a time, but you can always make that experience.
Rayna Rose 33:16
Yeah, like even today. Um, I was my my sister in law called me and she’s like, Hey, my mom’s going somewhere. Can you watch the baby for an hour? Like, I want to take a shower. I’m like, okay, cool, like no problem. So like, I go over there. And I’m playing with little owl and he’s named after my late father. And I had this moment where I wanted to, like kind of pick up my phone, right because our routine is we want to be on the phone. But then I looked at like my cute six month old nephew and I was like, Raina, you’re gonna be on two flights tomorrow for like six hours, like, be on your phone tomorrow. Like, be with Alan right here. And I don’t know what made me think of this, but Greece is my favorite movie.
Hannah Mitrea 34:02
Oh my goodness. Me too. That was my graduation hat. Well, no way. What was your quote? Is this the end? Of course, not. Just the beginning.
Rayna Rose 34:14
I love that. I love that. Yeah, so I pulled up YouTube and I started singing with him. And we were dancing, and we were doing our thing. And, um, had I been on my phone, we would have been next to each other. Yeah. But you know, having first of all being the first one to like, show him Greece super excited about that. Um, but afterwards, he got like, so tired. He like he passed out on my arm. And then when he passed out then it was like, okay, cool. Like, now I can go on my phone. Like, you know, he’s like he’s asleep. So, sometimes it’s not about telling yourself you can do this or you can’t do this as much as I feel like this is where I’m at when it comes to like the success of the routine. is just learning boundaries that work for you. And just recognizing that sometimes what served us in the past may not serve us in the present, and that boundaries are there to ensure that like, you’re not going to be disappointed, or that you’re not going to be sad or that you know that you’re not going to have any resentment. And if anybody ever tries to make you feel bad for having boundaries, then they’re really not supportive friends, it doesn’t mean that they’re terrible people, but it just means that if somebody doesn’t respect your boundaries, then they’re they’re not a supportive friend. And part of having success is putting yourself around people who are going to be supportive or at least understanding like, you don’t have to support why I think this way, or why do it this way. But you have to understand that when we’re together, I’m not doing that, or I don’t want to be involved in that.
Hannah Mitrea 35:59
Yeah, that’s a common thing that I’ve seen come up a lot recently, too. It’s just like, you know, as you grow, you’re probably going to outgrow friends. And, you know, that is much harder than even say, a breakup from a relationship. Because these friendships are deeper, in a way where they’ve been longer, but they have to be willing to let you grow. Yeah, supportive of it. Yeah, they don’t have to, like, be involved in it. But they can’t stop you from it.
Rayna Rose 36:27
Exactly. And on the flip side, like, don’t judge somebody else by an old version of of who you used to now, because people are, are constantly evolving.
Hannah Mitrea 36:39
Yeah, definitely. And I know, you kind of touched right there on the success too. And I loved how you said earlier to how, you know, you weren’t making the money right away. And when you switch from, you know, your nonprofit to go, Hey, I’m going to be a speaker. And now, it’s just like, people are saying no to you. And, you know, I think, honestly, getting nose shows that you had success, because you’re putting yourself out there. So I definitely see a nose successful we, on our team, whenever somebody gets to know we count as a contact, because, like, they got somebody to respond to them. And so when you look at success, and I know you’ve said a lot of it was you know, this success is really just a routine. But I don’t know which ways you define success, and how do you see it as the six?
Rayna Rose 37:20
Yeah, so I think the biggest thing for me is success is like having the freedom to make your own choices, whether that’s in your health, whether that’s in your business, whether that’s like with your time, you know, true success, to me isn’t necessarily about having a million dollars, as much as it’s about having enough money to be comfortable, you know, having your health under control. And that, you know, if you do want to travel, there’s there’s not anything, you know, holding you back. And when I also say to when I say freedom of choice, I mean, I personally don’t involve myself in any project or with any partner who I don’t support their values, or I don’t like how they treat their employees because when you work for somebody else, you’re bound by their decisions, and you’re bound by their politics. And you’re also like, you’re also bound by like how other people see it. Like, there were so many other people who used to think that my old company was this and my old company was that and because that’s how they saw the company like that’s how like they you know, that they saw me so to say, um Oh my god, I just I just lost myself What was the question?
Hannah Mitrea 38:40
How you define success? Oh, right.
Rayna Rose 38:42
Right. So success so number one, um, the the freedom of choice and I also think success is like choosing to be nice. It’s like choosing to be positive you know, for me, like even this morning like I was going through like a four way stop. I always let all the other cars go before me I just like to me I’m like, you know, what, if they’re in a hurry, like I don’t know if they’re in a hurry, even if they’re not let them smile that like the person like you know, let them through. So I also think success is like choosing to be positive even in scenarios where like, you know, maybe someone did cut you off like maybe you do you know, have the right to be angry but just like you have the right to be angry you also have the choice to not allow that that energy into your into your space because yelling at some guy who cut you off in traffic and traffic is ultimately going to like ripple effect into every other encounter that you have that day. Whether you you know whether you recognize it or not.
Hannah Mitrea 39:53
Yeah, I love that. I love the whole aspect of your successes, that freedom of choice. And just like you said, right at the In the air, like you choose to be positive. Like I just read the power of one more but admire lit, and he talks about how like you constantly are going back into the motion you’re comfortable in. So you need to make positivity, that emotion, you’re the most comfortable and so that you keep going back there and not being that angry state because it’s just gonna affect your whole day.
Rayna Rose 40:20
Exactly, exactly. And I’ll tell you another place this played out was I interviewed a business or a social media influencer, like three weeks ago, this guy named beautiful souls in New York, Luca. And he said to me, you know, Rena, like when people post hate on your posts, if you want to acknowledge them, that’s one thing he goes, but like, you don’t need to be having conversations with people who are hating on your posts. He was like if if the other people who like your posts really like believe and you know what you’re what you’re saying. Let them be the ones who engage the trolls or the hateful or the people who will clap on the wrong side of the bed that day. And you know, a lot of my stories that I write up on Facebook, I share them in the like, a million different Facebook groups. And this week in the peloton, group. This one guy like I’m telling you, I made this post and like multiple groups, and I’m getting like a lot of positive reactions. And this one guy starts commenting like, are we really going to sit here and believe like, all these stories happened and these efforts, I kind of like wanting to comment back. And then he’s like saying more stuff. Like really like the one at Disney World. There’s no way that ever happened. And I’m like, Disney World. I’m like, it’s like, last time I was at Disney World. I took two Holocaust survivors there. I’m like, is he saying I didn’t take the survivors to Disney World. And he was like saying, you know, some of these other people started responding to him. And he was like, you know, I read I read through her posts, like, there’s no way that all these things could happen to one person. And as this guy is like, hating on me, all these other people started commenting back to him, and defensive kindness all started connecting where it was like, What’s your username? And what’s this? And, you know, I probably sold 10 books, because that guy kept negatively commenting, and like the most beautiful part was, there were other people who I don’t know, who were posting, you know, my book and who were also like, coming, you know, to like, to my defense, like, there was one woman who said to this guy’s name’s Chris, wherever you are, Chris. She was like, thank you so much for inspiring me, you know, to go back and read all of you know, read all of her old posts, like she’s, you know, she’s got an old soul. And you know, even this morning there and another Facebook group, somebody may wrote a note that said, the only reason I’m in this group is for these stories. And I saw that that comment, and I say that not to say that I’m the ship, because everybody in this world is the shit. And you got to talk about that and not let anybody deter your shimmer, right? I’m not saying that. Just because I’m the shit. I’m saying that because if I listen to that one, Chris, who’s like, Oh, are we gonna believe her stories? Are we gonna get it?
That’s one guy out of hundreds of other people who were like, Wow, thank you so much You made my day or Wow, because of you, I’m going to try on calling other people friend. Right. So there really is like a lot of power, in positivity and kindness. And not everybody has that gene in them. But as long as you you always put out that what we call in the south, you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. Even in the moment, if it seems like the person is being rude back. You never know what somebody else is going through. And also like, if you’re not alone, sometimes it’s not about the other person. Sometimes it’s about the other people who are watching you engage in person, right? So not everything is going to warrant a reaction or response. And it doesn’t make you look bad. To not respond to every little thing, whether it’s a Chris on your post or a Chris in your life. Not everything deserves a response. Because a lot of times those responses take so much energy out of us. So it’s like Who do I want to engage? Do I want to engage the people who are like wow, rain, I love your writing and I want to give your book to my grandkid. Or do I want to be engaging the guy who is just like being negative and being a schmo? And bullying people like yes, it would be easy to have a whole conversation with the mean guy but like, let me not focus on the 1% Let me focus on the 99% because that’s where I’m seeing that’s where my impact is going to be. So for those of you who are listening, if somebody is not Your person, whether it’s in dating or in business, or in friendship, stop fucking forcing it. Just stop. Like, I like, I can’t tell you like, they’re, they’re a couple like, people in the last three years for work, I’ve followed up with them 1000 times and one of my friends like, she brought up this distinction to me, she was like, you know, Rena, like, I really love you, like, don’t take this the wrong way she’s like, but I’ve noticed sometimes, with some of these business stories you told me and sometimes like some of these other like, Guys stories, it’s like, you’re focusing on people who don’t see your value? Why are you putting all your attention into the people who, who don’t want you and who don’t see you, and appreciate you for everything that everyone else around you, does celebrate you for. And I think sometimes, like, where we have those breakdowns is like, we we want the client who doesn’t want us we want the guy who’s not giving us the time of day, we are expecting somebody to give us you know, the the time or the emotional validation when they don’t. So why why do we continue to stay in that pattern, whereas like, there are other people in our life who like, I remember once my friend Chelsea, when I told her that, like I was like going through a hard time and I like reached out to this person and like they weren’t available for me. She was more hurt that I didn’t call her when I was hurt. She was like, You’re my best friend. Like, it hurts me to know that you were hurting. And you chose not to call me. So I really liked for those who are listening, like, let that resonate. Stop asking and chasing and soliciting from people who are not your people. Because the truth is, if it’s meant to be, somebody else might bring that contact and somebody else might reintroduce you in the future. I shout out to my to my neighbor Stacy. I was having coffee with her the other day and her husband, they went out on a date. And then that was it. And then a year later, somebody was like, hey, I want to connect you to to go out and they both were like No, we went out before. And the person was like, well, we’ll try again. Will they try it again, they talk for hours and then three months later, they got married, right? So there are situations where some things are meant to be but in the moment, if it’s not working out, if it’s not processing, if they’re not calling you move the fuck on. Like, just go and don’t look back.
Hannah Mitrea 47:39
And I was gonna say something like, there’s gonna be doubters. There’s gonna be people that don’t believe you. And just a funny thing. I just was watching Tik Tok this morning. And just last week, there was a whole protests about how birds are not real. And like, it’ll just be imagine, like, everybody’s gonna doubt something. And so those people, you’d have to laugh that needs to be your laugh for the day out of your learn, laugh, cry and move on. They’re like, birds aren’t real. Okay, well, when that pigeon poops on, you let me know.
Rayna Rose 48:11
And then when you get in a scenario like that, this happened to me once at the airport, I sat next to this guy who he thought the world was flat flat, there were no such thing as satellites. COVID was totally fake. And, you know, in that moment, it was like, Okay, let me like, ask questions to like, figure out why you have these beliefs. And as he’s talking, you know, I’m like, okay, like, I could see how you could say that. When he got to the satellites. I was like, listen, I went the distance with you on some of these other things. I’m like, the satellites, like, they definitely exist, like they definitely exists. And you know, this one, I think. And it wasn’t argumentative, right. But when he walked away, the guy who was sitting on my left, ended up being the concert booking manager for this really, really, really, really big famous band who like my cousin’s gone to like over 50 of their shows. And I didn’t know that that’s who was sitting next to me. But because I was engaging this guy to the right of me, and it was so ridiculous, but I was so cool, calm and collected as we were having this discussion. It created an opportunity for me now to have like a whole new set of like conversation with somebody else, right? So I’m not saying like, you always have to, like engage like, somebody who thinks differently than you. But like, if you’re just going to be sitting there for the next 20 minutes, like take the opportunity to like, either reinforce what you already believe or like, get some perspective on like, another side that maybe you didn’t consider before. Because if what you believe in is so right, then there shouldn’t be any issues in you listening to somebody with an opposite view. I think that’s like where sometimes there’s another breakdown. It’s like, I I believe what I believe so much. So I refuse to hear anybody disagree with me. I refuse to hear anybody, you know, try to counter argument. And again, it’s if what you believe in is so strong, then like, it should only strengthen your belief to hear somebody who has an opposing belief.
Hannah Mitrea 50:19
Yeah, no, that’s a good way to look at it. And to really be able to have a conversation with somebody that especially in the political climate we’re in now, we all disagree with something. So I think being able to have that conversation is super valuable. But I know you’re almost out of time. We’re almost out of time here to let’s, I have two questions for you to get this out. And the first one is if somebody needs to start the routine tomorrow, so start this routine of you know, getting to a positive state of mind, building these friendships cultivating that, what is the one thing they should start doing tomorrow? To get them on the track to, you know, to be arena?
Rayna Rose 50:54
That I love that, um, you know, my cousin Neftali, the other day was telling a story, it was like, Yeah, you know, I was in the Uber and he points me was like, you know, I was actually channeling Reina, I was like, I was really talking to him. So, I would say, number one, be the first to say hello, have conversations with people around you, whether it’s your neighbor, whether it’s the person checking you out, you know, in the grocery store, at the register, maybe you’re at a doctor’s office, and you know, you’re you’re you’re waiting next to somebody be the first person to say hi, if somebody is like kind of coming into your orbit. You know, I was never good at math. But if somebody’s like three to five feet away from you, wave at the person, smile at the person I like to I like to win. I like to wing so much that sometimes when I meet people for the first time, they’re like, Wait, does she tick like what is going on there? I genuinely love winking, right? So the first thing is, say hi to people. And if you don’t want to say hi. compliment them when you compliment other people. Not only does it make them feel good, but when you make other people feel good intrinsically. It makes you feel good. And I can’t tell you how many like friendships or books have been sold all because it started with your hair looks awesome today, or I love your shoes. Or can I take a picture of your your bag, my friend Sarah would love this purse, right? And you have to be genuine. If somebody has the ugliest shoes you’ve ever seen in your life, do not go up to them and tell them that your shoes are so awesome. Where did you get them? Because then you’re going to spend 10 minutes talking about something that you hate, right? So that’s another big thing is like when you’re having conversations with people, how can you make them interesting? Like, I don’t know why I started this. But like, you know, when you’re waiting for a valet, like in South Florida, we have valet everywhere. But when you’re waiting for valet, sometimes it can take a long time. But the people who work valet have the most interesting stories. They’re driving rich people’s cars, they’re driving poor people’s cars, they’ve seen celebrities, they’ve seen all kinds of things, right? So a big part of like, leadership is like, How can you ask questions that not only are you going to enjoy the conversation, but you’re going to learn something? Right? So number one, you got to be talking to people. Number two, you need to be learning something right? My new favorite question asked people is what’s something new you’ve learned today? Or what’s something new you’ve learned this week? Right. And that could be in business that could be in health that could be you know, I learned recently that kangaroos, you can open up their pouch while the Kangaroo is a baby and see it anytime I bought a kangaroo just gave birth right and put it in the pouch. But you can open the pouch anytime, right? So these things can come from from anywhere. And then third, the biggest thing outside of talking to people continuing to educate yourself is three is journaling. Like I my life is better when when I journal. Um, my top tip for somebody just starting out is every day, what are five things from the 24 hours before things specific to that day that you’re grateful for? Right? So it could be ungrateful I learned how to edit my own reel yesterday and posted it right or? I tell you no, I’m telling you guys that it’s important to talk to people. So if I go out to dinner and my waiter was really nice, all right down the waiters name the next day on my thing like Moses was the waiter. Amazing dinner with Adam and Meredith right? Because also, if I go back to that restaurant, I will in my journal flip to the page, so I know what the person’s name is. And then when I go back back into the restaurant, not only does it make me feel so good to use the person’s name, but the person is usually always so surprised that I remember. Right. So journaling is just a way to be able to like, not only, like keep track of the people that you meet, but also as a way to see like, are you actually spending time with people that you love? And that people who matter to you the most?
Hannah Mitrea 55:26
No, I love that. And then last question I have for you is book recommendation, what would you recommend somebody read?
Rayna Rose 55:33
Oh, there’s an amazing book I love it’s called the promise of a pencil. And it’s about this guy who like pretty much had his life, like all figured out and was like working in finance, but I think like six months into the job, they they encouraged you, or whatever, however long into the job, they encourage you take six months off, to then come back and be a slave in this like finance job where you’re like, guaranteed, like all this money. And when he was going around the world, he would ask these kids, if there’s anything in the world that like you wanted, what would it be. And then one of the countries, the kid said that they wish they could have a pencil. And all of a sudden, this this guy, it turned into, like, Let’s build a school in this area. And he like, had this huge fundraiser, and he raised all this money, and he was able to build the school. But then it was time to go back to work. And so it was this moment of, Do I like go and do this thing that I’ve always thought I wanted to do, and it’s going to make a lot of money. But I’m going to be at a desk all day, and I’m really not going to be that happy. Or this thing that gives me like purpose and this thing that like I’m very passionate about, like, Could I continue to build more schools around the world. And the author’s brother is Justin Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun. And so through his brother, you know, they were able to have more fundraisers, and involve celebrities. And now there’s, you know, over 100 of these schools, like around the world, and it just goes to show that, you know, in our lives, you’re, you’re gonna come to a point where you have to make a decision of, Am I doing this for me? Or am I doing this for like, the me that? Am I doing this for me? Or am I doing this for the version of me that people who I don’t care about? Care about that version? Now, right. So like, for example, like, you know, the difference in studying something that you’re passionate about, versus studying something only because you think you’re gonna make money from it. And, you know, for me, like, looking at my journey, like, money is not a motivating factor. Like, it’s when you when you when you have a y that like, supersedes, like money, and like goes to that, like power and passion and purpose, then like, the, the money will come, but it’s gonna take time for you to like, really, like, grow as an individual. And giving through that journey in order to really receive like, the blessings and the opportunities that that are meant for you. And, and being patient. Because, you know, just like, we know, all the things that we need to do, we can also know the things that we want to happen. But I’m a big believer in that. Things don’t happen for you until you’re like, ready and not ready and that like you have all the skills and the knowledge, but you’re meaning you’re ready, and that when the challenge comes, you’re going to find the courage to create the confidence to do the thing, even if you don’t have it yet.
Hannah Mitrea 58:55
Yeah. Awesome. I’m excited to read that book. I’ve read a lot of like, nonfiction books that are more like self development and stuff like that. So I think, you know, taking a break from seeing almost like a documentary biography. Because I also wasn’t good in English as a kid. Yeah.
Rayna Rose 59:14
Remember to like the chapters the way he wrote it. It’s like each chapter title is like an inspirational message. So for those who are listening to this, maybe you don’t want to read a whole book, even if you just read the Table of Contents, the chapter names very inspiring.
Hannah Mitrea 59:31
Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Rena, for joining us on success is routine. And everyone that’s listening, make sure that you go buy her book, The Girl Who says hello, and if it’s still in time, you’re listening to this, go jump on the Kickstarter, and get your name put in the book for her new book coming out the girl who wears two different shoes, and then be on the lookout for all the other books that she’s going to be writing along the way. So thank you so much, Reina for joining us
Rayna Rose 59:59
here ANNA thanks for having me listeners. It’s been great and never forget when one grows we all grow toodles
Hannah Mitrea 1:00:07
Thank you for listening to success is routine podcast. If you found value in this episode, share it with a friend episodes go live weekly on Sunday at 8am. Fire week with the right routine, like follow and review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Amazon music or wherever you’re listening. Join the successes, routine movement and get exclusive downloads and content from the guests go to www dot success is your team.com and follow the conversation there or on social media. Until next time, remember,
Rayna Rose 1:00:38
with routine it’s not about always having the five gold stars or doing everything that you’re supposed to every day or doing it at the exact time as much as it are you making progress in the areas that matter the most to you. My routine is like every day I try to learn something. I try to laugh and I try to cry every day. Don’t judge somebody else by an old version of who you used to now because people are are constantly evolving is success is like having the freedom to make your own choices when my life is better when when I journal be the first to say hello
